Everyone’s talking about how amazing women have performed at this Olympic games. Basically, they’ve kicked ass. But, back in the world that most of us live in, there’s still an incredible lack of respect for women and girl’s ability in sports…and in life.
I am so tired of hearing language that implies being or acting like a woman makes one inferior, incompetent, or less desirable. ”You throw like a girl.” “Stop acting like a little girl.” “He’s such a woman.” ”Stop being a pussy and man up.”
The list could go on and on. Our language is filled with idiomatic expressions that equate being a girl or a woman with being weak, irrational, unstable, cowardly, incompetent, immature, and undesirable.
It is impossible for people to grow up hearing and using these phrases and not be affected in some way. Whether it’s subconsciously internalizing the messages implied in these phrases or consciously accepting them as truth, they impact every single one of us. They create a society in which no matter how often a man acts irrational, immature, or hyper emotional, he is still “acting like a woman.” When he acts in this way, it is an aberration, it is an exception to a “normal” male state of being. But when a woman acts in this way, no matter how infrequent, she is a reflection of her entire gender.
No matter who is acting immature, irrational, or inadequate, it is always labeled as a female trait. Now, couple that with the fact that being competent and strong is referred to almost exclusively as a male trait (Man up; Grow some balls; Act like a man) and we have a perfect storm for creating deeply internalized sexism in both men and women.
How about we make a conscious effort not to use these kinds of phrases? Phrases that equate negative attributes or inadequacy to women and positive attributes to men. How about we use language that describes actual behavior?
If someone is acting immature, say that they’re acting immature. There’s no need to gender-ify these behaviors, because, in reality, both men and women act immature.
And screenwriters, holy crap, stop putting these phrases into your scripts. Seriously. Surely you can find a more accurate and creative way to describe someone’s behavior that doesn’t contribute to patriarchy and systemic sexism. K? Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this. I agree.
http://stepstochangetheworld.wordpress.com/
I understand your point, but at the same time, does it really matter? I’ve just got back from an exercise bootcamp where I was told to ‘man up’ time after time. When I heard this, I guess I translate to ‘toughen up.’ Yep – I guess when you think about it, this is pretty sexist as it should really be ‘woman up’… I have to say though, that when I heard this, I didn’t once think, ‘Oh my goodness. You’re being so sexist. As a woman I’m really offended.’
It seems like we’re going into some very grey waters lately. We’re trying so hard to be politically correct, to the point where you have to stifle what you really think, and yet we claim to advocate freedom of speech.
As women, we’ve come a very long way and whilst of course there is still plenty of sexism around, shouldn’t we just lighten up a bit? I’m sure that the likes of Jessica Ennis would rise above these kind of comments…
I get the feeling that we won’t agree on this – just wanted to offer up another opinion!
I was about to agree with the author and then I read your reply, and I agree with you too!
I guess I would say to the author good point and yes, let us be more conscious about it (horror – I have caught myself doing this exact thing with my teenage son, and so I should stop perpetuating the idea that woman are the weaker/lesser sex, not doing myself any favours here). So, good job!
And to missmojiberry you too have an excellent point and it does get so tiring trying to be conscious and politically correct about what one does / doesn’t say. There are definitely instances too where it doesn’t matter (like being told to “man up” at your bootcamp) and may even motivate one to try harder. So another good opinion!
It has nothing to do with freedom of speech. It has to do with the internalizing of outdated and destructive norms. There are many words and phrases which need to be dropped from our everyday language which are not about being politically correct but about rethinking how we view ourselves and others. Rather than curtail the list of words that need rethinking we should be mindful to add to it. If you really think women are less than men then you have the right to express that; I believe the author is asking us to question how appropriate that perception is.
Let’s start with the crazy notion that only sticks and stones can break one’s bones….words have broken and oppressed people throughout time.
Let’s be honest. On the whole, a ‘man’ is a damn sight stronger than a woman when it comes to physical strength – and I’m admitting that as someone who sees myself as a fit, strong and generally energetic person. Therefore, it really doesn’t offend me when someone says, ‘man up.’ I think that to begin systematically cutting various words or phrases from our language is not only completely unrealistic, but undesirable. Considering the trials that women have faced over the past few hundred years, if the worst that’s happening now is being told to ‘stop crying like a girl’ then I’m pretty happy with that.
I agree that words are more than just words in some cases, but at the same time people ought to lighten up a bit!
It’s not really about the words, as I said before, or about the fact men are stronger than women or not.. It’s about what the words do to permeate the minds of those in a culture to view others as less, or to feel it’s okay to use words such as these to put others down. Telling you to “grow some balls” is not encouragement – it’s a putdown. Teling someone he drives like a girl is not encouragement, it’s a putdown – both to the person being told that and to the person being referred to (ie. women). The implication is that women can’t drive – an overgeneralization.
I have long worked with special needs kids and it does frustrate me when people say “you’re such a retard” to put someone down – not because it’s not politically correct, but because you are insulting people with intellectual disabilities along with the intended target of the insult.
If you’re okay with that, go at it. I know you think I need to lighten up – and I’m okay with that. I prefer to think of it as trying to make people think about what they mean and not be lazy with their language.
I understand your point.
Whilst I’m not okay with verbal put downs, I guess that comments like this are things that I’m willing to accept as part of the rich tapestry of life.
You should realise that for the most part people generally don’t think about what they mean when they talk, so the onus is on the listeners perspective. Which is why a group of multicultural friends can sit around the table at a bar and tell seemingly racist jokes to each other and be comfortable in the knowledge that it’s just jokes and doesn’t mean anything sinister.
Totally agree with you in that context. Working in education I see it happening in a context where listeners have not yet formed a perspective to filter the comments.
I agree with your opinion. I feel that we take some of these types of comments too literally. Femininity is not a weakness, its a strength and as long as we women understand this, such comments should not affect us.
I’ve found this to be true as well, that there is actual strength in femininity. That said, I absolutely love the phrase “woman up”, and plan to use it around my daughter as much as humanly possible!
No, this is not ‘grey waters’. The point is that all these expressions add to the background noise in our culture, which influences all of us. The fact that you DON’T think about sexism when you hear that you should ‘man up’ just shows how deeply we are all used to the basic idea that the ‘man’ is the highest possible for of human being which we all should aspire to be more similar to. It is pretty cringeworthy if you think about it.
This does not mean that one has to react aggressively all the time. One could for example simply just respond by telling the man back that he should ‘woman up’ too, at least from time to time. Because then it becomes clear how strange that this expression is… maybe I should also start using ‘grow some ovaries’ ?
Very well put! Ever since that Betty White meme about “growing a pair” went around, several friends and I have started calling each other out if we use that phrase and responding with, “Grow a vagina.” Not that we actually want to replace one phrase with the other (because using either implies that one gender is better than the other) but it helps remind us to consciously think about what we’re saying.
Good argument and I’m definitely going to use ‘grow some ovaries!’
This is true as well, but we shouldn’t have to put up with these kinds of comments in the first place. And we (along with everyone else) have been conditioned to think that the gender stereotypes (man up, etc) are totally normal, when they’re hopelessly skewed.
Agreed. Just like we’ve been conditioned to accept male pronouns as “neutral.”
Exactly!
Let me provide some old woman perspective and backup, I think, for your position.
In high school honor society had received the most votes for president, but I became vice president because the rule was that the male with the most votes for president became president while the female with the most votes became vice president.
After applying for my first job, I was made a claims processor for Aetna rather than a management trainee because, as the man in charge explained, “You have the qualifications, but Aetna doesn’t hire women for management jobs.”
When I was in my early twenties, there was something called “Women’s Liberation,” not “Feminism.” The movement was aimed at creating equal opportunity and equal treatment under the law. At some point after the movement mutated to “Feminism,” social engineering and thought policing crept in, and many of us distanced ourselves.
Wow, it is pretty incredible how widely accepted institutionalized sexism was before women’s lib. And I really respect your experiences and perspective. We all have a lot to thank from women’s lib and institutional sexism has been pretty much eliminated in the US. But that only goes so far. Changing laws doesn’t change the way people think. Many employers will still rate a resume with a female name lower than the same exact resume with a male name. I don’t believe in thought or speech policing and for me, feminism isn’t about that. It’s about addressing the many ways sexism still exists in our society on a systemic and personal level and encouraging people to examine the way they think and speak. That was my intent in writing this post.
Your post is about policing speech, and your resume illustration is almost comic for a society that has no available jobs anyway. Maybe people who call themselves feminists and fret over “systemic” sexism that exists only in their university classrooms are the ones who need to “examine the way they think and speak.” What is that’s the case?
It doesn’t make any difference how you phrase it: when you tell people they need to examine how they think and speak, you are doing two things. You are assuming they have not already done so, and you are assuming that they need to change to your way of thinking and speaking.
Some of us have given these matters a great deal of thought and come to the conclusion that our policy of tolerating the shallow thinking of others only encourages more pressure to conform to their agenda.
I agree Ms Moji Berry, I agree. I take great offense at the amount of people who take offense at things that the vast majority of people aren’t really that arsed about… whatever happened to ‘sticks and stones…’
I completely agree with you. What’s next…are women not going to want to be called women anymore because ‘woman’ has the word ‘man’ in it?
Too late for that. Haven’t you heard of “womyn?”
Nice…hadn’t heard of that one.
haha maybe we could be called ‘wowmen’ to counteract the man part?!
Well it still does contain the word ‘men’…so I don’t think that would work. That’s why I like to call women “hun”, so as to alleviate that. Other than ‘hun’, my vote is to stick with woman…it was after all one of our ribs that created the first woman, so to pay homage to that, you owe it to us…
Why don’t we just call you all Cristiano Ronaldo, that seems a perfectly happy balance to me
Good post.
What we have is an inadequacy of vocabulary coupled with a deeply immature and uneducated population. And I’m not even talking about America here.
It’s not just the vocabulary, it’s the fact that women and others* have been airbrushed out from the history of the world.
*anyone not white, male and heterosexual
Then there’s the refusal to acknowledge the subtle shades of language itself. Using shorthand to pigeonhole everyone without trying to round out the true nature of a person and their achievements.
Was Beethoven a towering genius whose work resonates down the centuries, or was he a fat poof that wrote tunes?
Words and their usage do make a difference.
Scott Joplin and Booker T. Washington (not white), Amelia Erhart and George Sand (not male), Benjamin Britton and Peter Tchaikovsky (not heterosexual). None of these people has been airbrushed out of history. G.I.Jane is a myth. But even if she weren’t, she would not be the norm. Fixing language to be gender-neutral is not going to make men and women the same. While I may think it’s cruel to call anyone a “pussy,” there is something to be said about the positive effects of testoterone, or “growing a pair”, for a man. Obviously, sexist words are over-used. Perhaps we could lessen that a little if men weren’t always competing with women to see who can be more manly.
Oh, you’re a literalist.
Obviously there are non-white/gay/female people in history – but in general the achievements of such people are not recognised or ‘masked’.
But I take your point.
Fact is, we don’t know who’s gay in history, to a great extent, so I suppose you could say that their gayness is masked, but it’s not relevant to their achievements. As far as Anglo-European history dominates what we know, it makes sense that other ethnic groups receive little mention. Women are, of course, well-represented in history. But, potentates and war heroes tended to dominate until the last 500 years. And even since then, men have dominated power roles. So I don’t think it’s because we overlook women. It’s just that their numbers in prominent places is a relatively recent phenomenon. As we reach the turning point to a female-dominated society, and the end of the “white” majority, I’m sure we’ll see a change in representation.
you are right why do people say things like that this has really made me think
You write like a girl.
If you’re saying that as an insult, you just proved my point. If you’re saying it to point out the fact that I am female and my writing conveys that fact, very astute observation.
I was being a guy…guy humor. By the way, don’t get me started on the woosification of man. You make good points in your post, but on the other hand, I for one am getting pretty damn sick of all the stigmas being attached to men as being pigs(they are)and how they nearly all appear to be a bunch of wimps in tv commercials these days. Where the hell have all the real men gone? Hell, look at whats in the White House!
Oh, I remember real men, before PC police rounded them up and drained off their testosterone. They were wonderful. They built things, accepted challenges, solved problems, and took responsibility for their actions.
If this is a problem for you, I wish I had your problems. It’s no big deal. It’s something that has always been from Adam and Eve and something that always will be.
Man was created before woman. Man was created to be the provider of food and protection. Woman was provided to be a companion to man and to bear children and take care of the family. Women have always been considered the “weaker” sex.
In 99.9% of the time that is how it is. Sure, women have made progress since they first stood on public streets and burned their bras, and bully for them! They have “weaseled” their way into the front lines on the battlefield. They occupy the CEO office, Women have increased their numbers in the Senate and House of Representatives. They have made remarkable progress since the 1960′s, but women will never take the dominant role in human existence.
So what if someone says, “You throw like a girl.”? It is silly of you to let something like that bother you. One role women have always had that is far greater than man could hope for—childbirth. I understand the difficult time women have carrying a child for nine months and then the pain of birth itself. I doubt men could go through that like women can.
I understand the difficulties of just being a woman. I understand the physical changes, the cycles, etc. I understand how they are the object of predators.
However, women are the weaker sex. Men have a dominant role, always have had it, and always will have it.
You just need to accept that and move on. Yet, there is no reason for you to feel inferior to men. You women have your roles in life, and many are difficult. Men have their their roles in life, and many are difficult.
Surely, there are more serious problems in the world than you being concerned about someone saying, “You’re acting like a girl.” So what? Be proud you are a girl. You have much to proud about as a woman.
Well said.
I already disagree with the basic premise of this article that women have performed amazingly at these Olympics.
Well, they only compete with other women. Of course a woman will win the gold medal in the women’s judo. Who else would? The referee?
personally i think your article is silly and irrational………………no matter if your a man or a woman…
nice point of view. i totally agree with you!
Love this post! I took a Women’s Studies class last year and this topic came up one day in class. It was interesting to see how the men said it wasn’t really a problem. But I was much more fascinated by the female athletes who said it was just the way they talk. When you confront them they say “oh I didn’t mean it like that” or “its just an expression.” What we have to do is really educate individuals on the roots and origins of these expressions or words so they can understand how they were created to hurt a specific group of people.
When I went to school, I took music, history, math. I didn’t see “Men’s Studies” as a major. I would think that such a course would be looked down upon as “sexist”. Of course, you could say the football is sexist, because only guys play. But that’s not true anymore, because there is even women’s football, as well as boxing, and just about any other formerly “sexist” sport. I knew one guy who couldn’t find an open major except Women’s Studies. The first lecture he went to, he was the only guy in the room. After he had the “balls” to ask a question, the campus riot police had to be called to extract him safely from the building, at which time he was expelled for starting a riot.
Absolutely true! These are cultures and traditions that nearly impossible to correct these days. A sad reality on how women until now feel the inferiority.
nothing but lovely!!
I agree with you. Sexism is so entrenched in our languages and cultures that we don’t even recognize it as such. Subconsciously we are raising our children to perpetuate these unfair stereotypes so it’s hard to imagine a time when we won’t be gender biased.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Taking a spin through WordPress this morning and found your post. In some ways I agree with the premise that people over time have used colloquialisms, sometimes the equivalent of slurs, with the focus on the lesser abilities of women. With children, I think today’s media reflects poorly on both men and women. They are both categorized visually, descriptively or characterized as variously brutal, errant, stupid, ignorant and a variety of other negative generalizations. It is disappointing that children who respect their parents of both genders see movies and television shows, or even read books where the end result is the though… but my parents don’t act like those people.
I was amazed and blown away by the performance of many of the Olympians I saw, the triumphs, the tears. They performed like passionate, committed athletes… and they are, gender makes no difference. I applaud their courage and commitment to do what it takes to do what the 99.99% of the rest of us never will. @missmojiberry I agree we live in grey water, it is a challenge to accept the cost of freedom, especially speech, in a world that is increasingly polarized by that speech, media, hype and drama that surrounds so much of our daily lives.
Grace and peace.
Todd
Great post! I couldn’t agree more. We have come a long way in terms of gender equality, but there’s still a lot to do.
Yeah, I can kinda hear where you’re coming from, but what the heck, I’ve heard phrases such as …. “dances like a man” …”typical male” … “has the dress sense of a male” … “yeah, men are like that”.
There’s others that don’t come to mind right now, but hey, I guess it cuts both ways at times.
So we’ve just gotta accept it until there’s a law against it.
Best you don’t have a look at my cartoons in my blog, there may be some which you feel I should remove, but I hope not.
Stay happy.
I completely agree with you, from the time we are small children we are conditioned to these societal ideals of what a woman ought to be. Yes, women have come a long way from the days of near domestic slavery. Yes, women can vote. Yes, women can work now. But even though we “have come along way” there are still stereotypes that women face on a daily basis both in the workplace, media, everyday life… etc. Just because our first thoughts are not geared toward sexism only proves that we have become so conditioned to hearing these statements we don’t even get offended anymore. That, I think, is even more sad.
I 100% agree with you. Phrases like “stop being such a girl” seem harmless, but it ingrains this idea in our minds that being a girl is a bad thing and a weakness. Boo for sneaky sexism.
Those words are lazy shortcuts, and temptingly so. If I call someone “immature” that’s a subjective call — who’s to say I’m so much more mature than they are?
I agree with you, in general, as the larger culture continues to degrade women verbally, visually, financially and through public policy. One of the problems of “oooohing” over female achievements, like those at the Olympics, focusing on gender, is the (seems to me) implicit assumption that female power, stamina and determination are somehow unusual. They’re not. They’re much less socially celebrated. Which is a toxic shame in itself.
Women are usually celebrated for being thin/pretty/accommodating/cooperative. Meh.
I have always preferred “pantie-waist,” “woosy,” and “wimp.”
Great post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Feminism and women’s rights have done a lot in the past few decades, but there is still a long way to go. Hopefully by the time I’m raising my own kids (I’m a college student with no plans of family at this moment) the language we use will be less charged with gender stereotypes.
I commend your desire to raise awareness of labeling language. It goes much further, and to be fair, goes against men and other groups in our society as well. What was formerly referred to as a den, implying quiet, comfort, maybe a fireplace and books, now must be called a “man-cave”. Really? Neanderthal? Why must I be equated with cave-dwellers because of my gender? Can a women have a lovely parlor, a charming sunroom, a quaint bedroom, but a man has a cave or a garage?
Our society paints men with all sorts of stereotypes. Granted there are many places where they’re all supposed to be strong and fearless, but they’re also synonomous with simplistic thinking and behavior often focused in immature and obsessive fashion on preoccupation with sexual attractions, excessive male-bonding endeavours, symbols of power such as race cars and power boats, stubbornness and slovenliness. They are notoriously, naturally and inherently violent, and are major abusers of drugs and alchohol. Generally, drunken women are gross or of weak character, and drunken men are funny.
Elsewhere, as a society we seem to have no respect for the developmentally disabled, and continue to use the word “retarded” as meaning stupid or ignorant.
As a Euro-American, I am still appalled at the way my race continues to use skin color to define people. Not in a racist way, particularly, but casually. When white-skinned people try to decribe someone, they’ll say: “You know the guy, he’s a comedian, he was in that movie with that girl about that thing they did.”, if said “guy” is white. Any other color, and it becomes their first descriptor: “Yeah, you know the guy, he’s black, and…”.
As a world, we really need to STOP USING LABELS of any kind to describe people, unless they’re labels such as: kind, generous, nice, loving, lonely, brilliant, loyal, sad, in need, depressed, enlightened, funny, smart, caring, helpful, committed, untiring, struggling, lost, searching, ambitious, hard-working…you get the idea.
Paz
Hmm. My “black” friends refer to white people as, “you know, that cracker…” It’s normal to distinguish people by ethnic group. I never here an APB describing an individual as “6′ tall, goatee, very healthy tan.” Sure there are ethnic slurs, but there are also accurate descriptions.
As for the “man-cave” stuff, I say it myself. And I howl like Tim Taylor. And, when I need to work hard, I pump myself up with a lot of “man” talk, and in the heat of battle I sometimes curse “like a sailor”. Life is descriptive, and that is part of the spice of it. I don’t think we should take all the joy and color out of it just because someone might be offended.
I do not fully agree. I find it important that men are women are being treated equal, and there is still a lot of room for improvement. But focusing on sentences like “throwing like a woman” and such will not drive emancipation forward one bit. It is creating opportunities for women that matter, for example giving women more opportunities in higher management.
These sentences are stereotype, easy to use (and to understand) phrases. It has less to do with actual feminism/masculinity, more about false stereotypes that have crept in common language usage. Man up (as in, take care of business, a common phrase, not necessarily meant insulting), and look for opportunities that really drive equal treatment forward.
And I thought being immature is mostly stereotyped for man anyway.
You bring up valid observations. And I whole heartedly agree with missmojiberry. What you suggest is just stupid. I’m sorry.
I agree on all points. I’ve noticed guys seem to think it’s the ultimate compliment when they tell me I’m “like one of the guys.” Why can’t I just be a cool girl? We exist, we really do! In hoards!
excellent points – when we stop having to write commentary like this then we know the problem has been solved
This kind of relates to something that came up this morning. An act was described as “ghetto style”. I know it is used in a kind of flippant way to describe something that is a bit below society’s standards, but I consider it to be somewhat derogatory.
Interesting…I give sort of a man’s counterpoint to your blog on my site. Always good to look over the fence…thanks!
Aw guys come on – lighten up (see how I used the masculine ‘guys’ there as a generic reference to all genders
Isn’t it simply a biological fact that the male of the human species are just built stronger? I don’t want women to be all rough, tough, hard and masculine any more than I want all my male brethren to become metrosexual. EMBRACE OUR DIFFERENCES FOR CHRISSAKES!
The truth is, all those Olympic athletes are exceptional (literally) that’s what makes them… yep, you guessed it – OLYMPIANS. The feats of Jess and co. are the result of Herculean effort (…go on, say it – “why can’t you use the expression ‘Amazonian effort?”). Come on, be honest, when you walk around the streets of England we are populated by a bunch of lazy, fat, lumps – men and women. Most of the general public would rather lounge around watching telly and binge drinking than get on a bike or in a gym. And as for your sisterhoood – pftt. Ask a girl under the age of 30 who Emily Pankhurst is and most of them won’t have a clue. Ask yourself who your greatest icons are? Ask yourself what girls and women generally aspire to? I do not want any woman I’m with to ‘man up’ and I don’t want any of my boys to ‘act like a pussy’. I tell you something, I grew up and was raised by a bunch of strong women and I know you have a greater pain threshold and you certainly aint the fairer sex!
http://www.beasleygreen.wordpress.com
PS: Do not read ‘Partner, Friend, Lover or Just A Contracted Call Girl’ because you will hate my guts
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thinks like this. If there were a manual on life, this should be in it.
I completely agree with you. Several years ago, I was at a hockey game where, during a break, there was a competition that involved knocking the puck into the net. The announcer told one of the adult male competitors, ‘You hit like a girl.’ It was a big ha-ha moment, all done ‘in good fun.’ But it bugged me, and I felt sorry for all the little girls in the audience. I started to go knock on the door of the announcer’s booth and complain. Now I wish I had. Shame on me for not standing up for all those little girls and for myself!
LPB:
This is the best example I’ve found in this post to illustrate the inadvertent damage done by labels. All the responses that poo-poo this subject are just contributing to the brainwashing. Ultimately, this brainwashing can lead to real suffering, such as women remaining in abusive relationships because they’ve been brainwashed that they are inferior, and men becoming violent and abusive because they’ve been brainwashed to believe it’s “normal”, “common”, “typical” and the other terms some unenlightened people have used herein.
Clearly, they need to be forgiven and accepted as victims of the brainwashing themselves. Next time you hear less-than-flattering terms being used, imagine the recipient to be one of your loved ones. Your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, your son, your daughter. Tell me it doesn’t bother you, and I’ll tell you it’s a lie, or you’re between geocentric and sociopathic.
Paz
What a well written post and interesting perspective. I guess I never thought of it that way, but you’ve called it out for what it is. Like a couple posts noted above – some people might think it is ‘taking things too far’ etc – kind of like the Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays debate, but I appreciate the attention this calls to the topic. Much appreciated. Congrats on FP!
I’m glad that you did say that our society is supporting sexist thoughts for “both men and women.” I think, honestly, that part is the key. Because in the same breath that many women complain about being stereotyped, we do the same thing to men. For example, all guys only want sex, they have to be in control, they’re all dirty, guys always cheat and not the other way around; these stereotypes are just as demeaning to men. The key is that we’re ALL doing it to EACH OTHER.
I completely agree with you and you’ve raised a very important point. I wish people would stop making all these immature actions sound like they’re typical of women. People seriously need to grow up, but patriarchy is so deeply rooted in most societies that this change may take ages.
Great post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
“Stop being a dick”, “You’re a jack-ass” -the exceptions
Other than that, I agree with you wholeheartedly. That’s why my favorite thing to call people is “child”, as it “You are being a child.” (which can go positive or negative depending on the place it’s said Paidi mou is a term of endearment in greece).
interesting thing just cropped up in canada as it relates to female athletes being recognized for their efforts. canada produced only one gold medal and yet her name hasn’t been mentioned in the media since her time on the podium. instead the canadian media has decided to lionize an accomplishment of lesser quality and focus on the bronze medal soccer team captain. is this a distinct insight into the canadian culture…where winning women become pariahs while women of a more politically acceptable endevour receive recognition? is it politically incorrect in canada for women to come in first?
I live in Toronto and I’ve heard of the female gold medallist through the ironic facebook group “Canadian Problems” (they were praising her for winning our first gold). Obviously, they must have gotten that information through the media. So I don’t really know where you’re coming from.
Thank you writing this. I think that language has much more of an impact on thought and action than most realize. We are moving away from using so many derogatory terms that have to do with race or religion (and thank goodness for this!), but gendered words seem stuck. I’ll join you in fighting this!
I just want to say that I really appreciate so many of you taking the time to read, like, and/or comment on my post. I’ll do my best to reply to as many of these as possible very soon.
I never use gender stereotypes and I hate them. I’m a big fan of questioning society and this is one of those points that really turns me off of anyone that uses those terms. I would assume we all have the intelligence to recognize that we all experience every emotion and that those emotions aren’t bad or gender specific.
I’m disheartened to see how many readers fail to grasp the impact words have on culture. I think they are simply reluctant to own up to their roles in an unhealthy dynamic and it’s easier to attack you than to change. Actually, many actions, or inactions, that are considered passive (or “feminine”) take more internal strength than some people realize.
@beige – You have a point. But I worry that forcing people to use ‘the right language’ doesn’t take away the prejudice – it only forces it to find a new outlet. The mindset is what needs changing, the cause not the symptom.
@tomlucci – Tom, you are either a brilliant satirist or a massive tool. Were you teleported in from victorian England? You say men are strong but what qualifies as strong (and don’t pick up a dictionary, a man wrote it)? I admire my wife constantly for abilities she has that I do not, social grace, empathy, a seemingly endless capacity to give care, an incredible fortitude in adversity. Those are real, valuable strengths, as opposed to men who can lift big things and hit whatever they don’t understand – well done. To say women are ‘the weaker sex’ assumes that only brute (stupid, thoughtless) muscle should qualify as a strength.
Men have ruled for centuries, and created a capitalist oligagrchy in which the majority are miserable, leading meaningless lives chasing money to pay for things they neither want nor need, while a rich minority feed upon the exploitation of these poor. We have lost our purpose, our compassion and our moral decency, polluted the planet, extinguished species, created famine, inequality and suffering. Well done man, that’s a strength I can really admire.
Maybe we should offer a little more respect for the more valuable strengths women have, such as their ability to tolerate men.
I completely agree, the mindset is what need changing, but I believe language is both a symptom and a cause of that mindset. When we change the language we use regularly, we change the way we think. That said, it’s not about forcing people to use “the right language,” it’s about inspiring people to think about the effects of the language they do use and hopefully choose to use language that is more constructive. If people merely say what they think is “politically correct” without really believing it or understanding why, that just breeds resentment and fuels a culture where it’s okay to be sexist, racist, heterosexist, etc., as long as someone isn’t around to hear what you’re saying and get “offended.”
Point taken, Elaine. However, let’s bear in mind that we are raising the next generation. If we need to force ourselves to stop saying “bad things” because of rules, at least we can break the change of brainwashing, so children don’t grow up hearing these things.
Then, their generation will have a chance to grow up truly enlightened, and live these thoughts rather than think them.
Paz
Thank YOU!
Excellent points made here. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. It’s so true– these turns of phrase damage women and probably men too. I hate them. I hate “put on my big girl pants,” which somehow seems related.
Years ago, when I was the only male working at a day care center, most of my male parts were used at one time or another by the female workers to explain my perceived stupidity. I was generally viewed as rather worthless, until the day I saved two girls from drowning. Suddenly, it was OK that I was a man.
Interestingly, we had all kinds of toys in the play rooms. No one was steered toward any activity. Yet the girls seemed to prefer dress-up, while the boys preferred dinosaurs and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (giving my age away).
Good post. Well thought out, nicely written, thank you Elaine. I agree – even as I watch the pendulum swing the other way and see men increasingly portrayed as stupid, lazy, and inferior to women. How about we simply revive good old fashioned respect?
Like times X1000!!! I was just thinking about this other day, and how deep and effectual such terms can be.
I heard someone at a Newcastle United match last season trying to point out exactly what you have in this article, and he was shouted down. Whilst I agree with your point, I think a lot of people have been brought up with saying things like “you girl”, “you pussy” etc and don’t even realise the magnitude of what they’re saying.
Good points. Reading this post reminded me of a documentary I watched tonight about debunking myths about India. This lady has organised a `Miss Married India´ contest to let married women the voice they required. Some were rather old, others barely teenagers. But, all of them were dressed up in very revealing clothes, etc. The kind of questions they were asked was rather disconcerting, such as what would you do if your husband raped you? Would you still be in that relationship?
Great post, I agree with you. Just because people are starting to disassociate these phrases with the sexism they imply doesn’t make them right. They are still fundamentally sexist. I would guess that children hear these phrases and are unable to detach the sexism from the phrase. Understanding “throwing like a girl” as an insult because girls do not throw well.
I wrote an essay during college on this same subject: sexism commonly used in language. It’s rampant. What got me started was being called a “Dart Bitch” – the common term used for a woman who plays darts. But oddly, it was only the men who had something against me who used the term to goad me. The rest of the guys just called me a dart player, or a darter. I guess they realized that I wasn’t actually throwing darts with my vagina, so my sex didn’t really have anything to do with my dart playing, did it?
Well said! I salute you! ^_^
hmmm, perhaps “grow a set” and such terms will be the new idioms.. like ketchup and kleenex. gender neutral, or complimentary in nature. Too hopeful?
I think it could also be the circles we travel in, or the image we project. Teaching martial arts, I will often, when a new class first meets me, have to prove myself. How could this “little girl” possibly teach this… (yes height challenged also). But respect soon blossoms and “kick like a girl” is soon a compliment.
But, yet again, genderfication phrases, especially when over used, can lead to self esteem issues, and damage young minds.
so, to recap a previous comment. You write like a girl. Well done.
I find it interesting that you reflexively interpret expressions such as “don’t be a pussy and man up” as being demeaning towards women. You could equally interpret that expression, for example, as being offensive towards men as expressed to a man, it suggests that he is somehow less of a man for not conforming to some expected behavioral norm.
For the record, some of the expressions you listed have a basis in fact. For example, throwing like a girl has some truth to it. You’ll notice that at the olympics the top men ran faster, threw farther, swam faster, jumped higher, etc. than the top women. Throwing like a girl simply plays on the idea that on average women can’t throw as well as men and they don’t.
2) “No matter who is acting immature, irrational, or inadequate, it is ALWAYS labeled as a female trait.”
This is polemical and, more importantly, factually inaccurate. I suppose you’ve never heard the expression “don’t be a dick”. You know, that somehow possessing the male anatomy inherently confers the status of being an a*hole.
It is not just sexism, but racism, and antisemitism, and every other ism that exists.
I find that words are meaningless when you think about them. Everything is meaningless until we attribute meaning to it through language.
feminISM……
This post is spot on. Thank you and congrats on the Freshly Pressed.
The whole world should of been over this nonsense years ago, after the third feminist wave. It’s so depressing!
I’ll have to agree with @missmojiberry’s comment. As a young woman, I never find myself being offended at the kinds of phrases the author presents. But that largely has to do with how I perceive the English language. I feel like we would be fooling ourselves if we thought everything we said was purposefully rooted in some kind of social construct. I find it all too flattering to think that we ALWAYS think before we speak. Being human, we’ll naturally blurt out whatever comes to mind from time to time. There are of course valid points in this article because yes, these phrases did originate from sexist attitudes. But the English language is an evolving language and in being so, not everything has the exact same meaning. If I, like @missmojiberry, were to come back from boot camp where I was continuously told to “man up”, I would take it as constructive criticism to become more physically tough. I wouldn’t associate that phrase with the concept of being “less than” a man.
You’re SUCH a pussy!!! Don’t you know it’s a world of men we live in? Being into women’s lib (or, Lord forbid, an out-and-out FEMINIST) apparently makes a woman ‘Butch’ which, just as the word sounds, is perceived as an UGLY thing to be. Funny thing is, this UGLY language has now began to permeate even conversations between bitches! It’s considered a sign of Intimacy to greet a friend with “‘Sup Bitch?” I HATE IT.
It’s VERY difficult to change language -what we can do, though, is change the meaning of a word. Therefore, though there may be ‘stupid bitches’ in the world, there are also ‘Fierce’ Bitches, and ‘Noone’s Bitches’. I’m proud to be one of them!
But as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Language only has the associations that you allow it to. If you choose to be offended by these sorts of phrases that are part of day to day life and local culture in many cases, then you will spend a great deal of time feeling angry and frustrated. If someone says, “Sup Bitch” to me… I’d take it with the good humour with which it was intended, rather than trying to make an issue out of it.
I don’t! I greatly dislike this use of language, and I wish people in general would polish up their English (and expand their bloody vocab) but I don’t take it negatively. That was my point. Take it in the spirit in which it is intended!
I understand that your viewpoint is that of a woman, and I agree that it must be frustrating to hear these phrases because they’re so not true (have you SEEN some of those girls at the Olympics?). But I’m also looking at it from a GLBTQ standpoint, and I know that it sucks to hear such things when you’re going through this innocent and curious part of growing up and learning who you might like. For a boy who has just started thinking that he might like other boys, hearing ‘you’re such a girl/pussy/whatever’ doesn’t help. In my school teachers are very strict about such phrases, and kids actually get in trouble for saying them.
damn straight!!! thanks for this. i’d never really though about those phrases like that to be honest…
insightful. thanks! x
I have three amazing daughters…love the “femaleness” of your blog…continue…blog on…sista!
I’ve noticed those things too, and I’ve been meaning to write a post about it. I’ve often wondered why we are sensitive when it comes to the n word or other racial slurs, but when it comes to phrases that insult or belittle women, we say it so casually. Thanks for this post!
thank you for your post. I enjoyed reading it and appreciate someone finally voicing out this issue.
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